"God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed-out skull for a spittoon."
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Quote collection
Scott Adams quotes (page 10 of 14)
267 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"In the future, it will become increasingly obvious that your competitors are just as clueless as you are."
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"I rank money higher than social life or meaning because once you have money, those other things are easier to get. For example, you won't have much of a social life if you can't afford to do anything. And you can't make money if your health is a mess."
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"Some people fear that technology will become more engaging than live human interactions. That's silly; technology is already way more interesting than other people."
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"For our purposes, let’s say a goal is a specific objective that you either achieve or don’t sometime in the future. A system is something you do on a regular basis that increases your odds of happiness in the long run. If you do something every day, it’s a system. If you’re waiting to achieve it someday in the future, it’s a goal."
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"I'm primarily just an investor."
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"If free will exists, why do the tallest candidates with the best hair usually win elections ?"
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"If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%."
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"There's no such thing as good ideas and bad ideas. There are only your own ideas and other people's. If you want someone to like your idea, tell him he said it first last week and you just remembered it."
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"Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?"
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"Beware the advice of successful people; they do not seek company."
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"We're a planet of nearly six billion ninnies living in a civilization that was designed by a few thousand amazingly smart deviants."
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"What does it mean to be yourself?” he asked. “If it means to do what you think you ought to do, then you’re doing that already. If it means to act like you’re exempt from society’s influence, that’s the worst advice in the world; you would probably stop bathing and wearing clothes. The advice to ‘be yourself’ is obviously nonsense. But our brains accept this tripe as wisdom because it is more comfortable to believe we have a strategy for life than to believe we have no idea how to behave."
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"For the record, I am not a nut. I am an optimist. That's exactly like a nut except with a better attitude."
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"Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries. Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. [TV remote control] Click."
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"The core belief that drives terrorism is the notion of a "holy place," along with the idea that some people belong there and other people don't. That's why the only solution to terrorism is for religious scholars to hold a global summit to agree on the definition of "holy place." Once they agree on a definition, it will be easier to mock it into submission."
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"Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye. Catbert: That's not a natural advantage. You'd better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs."
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"I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't."
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"He changed more times than a baby in a beer-drinking contest."
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"In yesterday's post, I asked how many of you guys would have sex with a robot if it was indistinguishable from a hot human woman. About 95% of the hetero guys said they would. The other 5% expressed a strong preference for lying."
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