"I'm not happy on vacation. In those rare times when I have three hours with no work I have to do, I'm terribly uncomfortable."
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Quote collection
Scott Adams quotes (page 12 of 14)
267 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Just because no one has ever gotten better from Spasmodic Dysphonia before doesn't mean I can't be the first."
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"Computers and rocket ships are examples of invention, not of understanding. ... All that is needed to build machines is the knowledge that when one thing happens, another thing happens as a result. It's an accumulation of simple patterns. A dog can learn patterns. There is no "why&rdqo"; in those examples. We don't understand why electricity travels. We don't know why light travels at a constant speed forever. All we can do is observe and record patterns."
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"You might think the word "homemade" is just a word we use as a marketing ploy. But what you don't realize is that the staff sleeps here at night. If your tablecloth is wrinkled, that's why."
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"Boss: I just heard that light travels faster than sound. I'm wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my lips appear to sync-up with my words."
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"I have a perverse attraction to risk. Not physical risk but emotional, financial risk - anything than can't kill you immediately."
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"I think the pleasure of completed work is what makes blogging so popular. You have to believe most bloggers have few if any actual readers. The writers are in it for other reasons. Blogging is like work, but without coworkers thwarting you at every turn. All you get is the pleasure of a completed task."
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"Your inability to see other possibilities and your lack of vocabulary are your brain's limits, not the universe's."
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"My investments have been hurt."
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"It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation."
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"Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free."
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"As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws."
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"I would sometimes sit in a crowded restaurant, and say, 'You know, I'm the only person in this restaurant who can't draw.'"
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"Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait."
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"I love magazines. It's such McNugget kind of information."
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"By definition, risk-takers often fail. So do morons. In practice it's difficult to sort them out."
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"I hated my work. It never seemed to me to be what I should be doing."
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"Failure is a resource that can be managed."
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"In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It’s called Karoshi. I don’t want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon."
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"If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried."
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