"The sky already fell. Now what?"
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Quote collection
Steven Wright quotes (page 26 of 27)
529 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?"
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"I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things."
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"I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect."
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"I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over, the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly], and says, "Here, you can go""
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"Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written."
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"My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she loves. A lot of times she tells me she doesn't know what I'm talking about. I know if I wasn't her son and she was flipping through the TV and saw me, she would just keep going."
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"Because I don't believe everything I read."
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"How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow?"
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"I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me."
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"You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment and nobody else shows up and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time."
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"Day One: Still tired from the move."
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"To me, comedy is just twisting reality. It's commenting or observing or twisting life."
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"I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it."
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"I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end."
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"I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because then it's serious business."
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"I thought I would be a guy on the radio."
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"I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet."
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"It's a fine night to have an evening."
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"Four years ago... no, it was yesterday."
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