"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese"
"I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator."
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Source: I Have A Pony. Comedy album by Steven Wright, 1985.
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"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research."
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"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."