"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese"
"The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.""
7 likes
About the author
Same author
More quotes by Steven Wright
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research."
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."