"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese"
"The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, "Right here, officer.""
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Source: I Have A Pony. Comedy album by Steven Wright, 1985.
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