Quote collection
334 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Learn how to cook. Read books that will educate you. Get an education. Get a career. And support yourself. And live in a section of town that isn't conducive to violence."
"Men lie the most. Men lie all the time."
"America is the greatest country in the whole world."
"Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!""
"The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the good ones: Biggie dead, Tupac dead, Vanilla Ice still alive! They don't fill out a police report. They don't even have a chalk line when it's a dead rapper, they just take a piss around the body."
"It's easier to get on show business, the hard part is to maintain. Nobody stays famous forever."
"I try to stay with it and I try to stay in contact with comedians and just keep comedians in my life 'cause comedians are their own species. If you get away from them, especially as a comedian, I think it's dangerous."
"When a musical act performs, the black audience goes crazy for all the stuff, the album cuts, everything. White audiences, they're nice and all, but they're not going to lose it until they get the hits. Comedy is the same thing."
"I always say there's no more little girls, just boys with breasts. Girls act like boys nowadays. Teenage girls, they go after boys. They're predatory just like boys. My goal is to keep my girls, girls."
"I'm like the Hulk on stage. It's way over the top. That's Bizarro Chris. Sometimes I get off stage and go What did I say?! I'll watch one of my stand-up specials a year later and go Eww, that was mean."
"Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!"
"You could be married and bored or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere."
"I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic."
"Kennedy didn't beat Nixon. Satire beat Nixon."
"I want my name to be a brand in comedy. I hope my name stands for comedic excellence."
"So there's a cloud of rage around me, but being an artist kind of changes that. No matter what you thought coming in, what ignorant thing you believed, you're in show business for two years, you're like, "OK, I was wrong." It's hard to be mad at any particular group of people when you're an artist."
"You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing."
"Anything you can suck at should make you nervous."
"I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table."
"I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge."