"If you live below your means, you can turn down stuff all the time."
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Quote collection
Chris Rock quotes (page 9 of 17)
334 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Actually, I think all addiction starts with soda. Every junkie did soda first. But no one counts that. Maybe they should. The soda connection is clear. Why isn't a presidential commission looking into this? Or at least some guys from the National Carbonation Council."
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"If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!"
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"Stop the violence! Can't we all just get along?"
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"If you live with a single parent, you don't see compromise. You witness a grown person living in a world where they do what they want to do. When you are raised by two parents, you are constantly watching compromise take place. Just by observing that, it made me a better person."
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"You only know that you're smart because you're around dumb people from time to time!"
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"You don't pay taxes; they take them from your check. That's not a payment - that's a 'jack."
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"Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education."
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"Are they real fires? Or are people just reacting to something? Just because there’s an alarm going doesn’t mean it’s a fire. And I think that people are confusing the two. It’s only a fire when it offends the fans, and the fans turn on you. Tosh has fans, and they get the joke. If you’ve watched enough Tracy Morgan, you let the worst thing go by. When did Tracy Morgan become Walter Cronkite? You have to mean something to me to offend me. You can’t break up with me if we don’t date."
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"I don't need a president with a bucket list!"
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"I've been away from my two daughters at a very important time in their life.'I have missed most of Girl Scout cookie season.Last night Zahra, my youngest called me up and said :"Daddy how come we never sell the most cookies? How come Mrs. Dunn wins every year?"'"
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"Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a mexican to work."
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"White man makes guns? No problem. Black rapper says "gun"? Congressional hearing."
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"Kids raised on a culture of “We’re not going to keep score in the game because we don’t want anybody to lose.” Or just ignoring race to a fault. You can’t say “the black kid over there.” No, it’s “the guy with the red shoes.” You can’t even be offensive on your way to being inoffensive."
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"That's all we had when I was a kid: Robitussin. No matter what you got, Robitussin better handle it. "Daddy, I got asthma." "Robitussin." "I got cancer." "Robitussin." "I broke my leg." Daddy poured Robitussin on it. "Yeah, boy, let that 'tussin get in there. Yeah, boy, let that 'tussin get on down to the bone. The 'tussin ought to straighten out the bone.""
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"Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time."
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"I learned pretty quickly that it's your WORK ETHIC that LEVELS THE PLAYING FIELD. Education helps, but I've met failures who have Ph.D.s. I believe the hardest worker is always going to win."
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"There's math, and everything else is debatable!"
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"Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right."
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"Whatever your woman is into, you better be into. Whatever your man is into, you better be N2. Your partner into church, you better be into church. Your man or woman a crack head, you better be a crack head ... Otherwise it just won't work."
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