"Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you."
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Quote collection
Dana Gould quotes (page 3 of 13)
260 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"When homeless people go camping, how do they know?"
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"The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls."
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"Gorillas would be less scary with bunny ears. Actually, what isn't less scary with bunny ears? Osama Bin Laden with bunny ears. Ha! So cute."
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"You will never experience less reality than when you are watching a reality show. You're watching people who aren't actors, put into situations created by people who aren't writers and they're second guessing how they think you would like to see them behave if this were a real situation, which it's not. And you are passively observing this; watching an amateur production of nothing. It's like a photo of a drawing of a hologram."
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"Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no."
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"Having kids means there's always someone around to blame your fart on."
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"When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death."
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"Common sense dictates the term hot fudge sundae has a totally different meaning in prison."
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"I can't wait for the day I learn to live in the now!"
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"My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit."
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"If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author."
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"Reality TV is the perfect antidote to people who don't have enough self-centered douchebags in their life."
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"In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick."
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"When you break life down, it's about 100% time management."
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"What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman."
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"Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake."
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"I try to look on the bright side, but it really hurts my eyes."
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"I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late."
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"Usually the people that peak in high school are tragic, tragic adults. Most of them end up working for the water department in their hometown and driving around said high school as the decades slip past."
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