"I don't have to kill myself, time is going to do that."
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Quote collection
Demetri Martin quotes (page 22 of 25)
494 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it."
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"I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts."
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"I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey."
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"I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes."
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"You can make a very heavy and kind of dangerous 3-way shot glass out of a bowling ball."
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"I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear."
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"To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV."
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"And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money."
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"I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games."
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"I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone."
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"I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it."
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"Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes."
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"I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why."
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"I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television."
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"Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest."
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"I call it 'new forms'. When you're starting out, they ask you to do four or five minute sets, but once you're a headliner, you do like 90 minutes. I try to think of different things to divvy up the show, like doing drawings, playing music... I gotta carry the show, that's the problem."
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"I never set out to do a sketch show."
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"I was thinking how strange it is that water is one of the best, simplest things on this planet, and still with a simple glass of water you can neutralize so many of the greatest technological advances that we provide. Like with my blackberry, I can get in touch with so many people, but if I dip it in a small glass of water I'm completely disconnected."
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"I started being a comedy fan when I was, I'm going to guess, like 5 or 6 years old."
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