Quote collection
334 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except his wife, mother, and dog. If someone wanted to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, he would refuse until he had been formally introduced."
"Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact."
"I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors."
"A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused."
"No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love."
"If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage."
"Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth."
"Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy's little boy becomes Mommy's little boy, the kid is so wet he's treading water."
"I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope."
"Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!"
"The term 'working mother' is redundant."
"The fact was I didn't want to look my age, but I didn't want to act the age I wanted to look either. I also wanted to grow old enough to understand that sentence."
"When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys."
"When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty "just adding water." Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better."
"Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever."
"She's as funny as a toothache"
"I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born."
"[On her father's death:] I didn't know his leaving would hurt so much."
"Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each."
"The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight."