"What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?"
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Quote collection
Erma Bombeck quotes (page 10 of 17)
334 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday."
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"I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old."
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"The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah."
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"We've got a generation now who were born with semiequality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache' cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle."
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"There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'."
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"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."
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"One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country, the American dollar will fall like a stone."
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"Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood."
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"I was a closet pacifier advocate. So were most of my friends. Unknown to our mothers, we owned thirty or forty of those little suckers that were placed strategically around the house so a cry could be silenced in less than thirty seconds. Even though bottles were boiled, rooms disinfected, and germs fought one on one, no one seemed to care where the pacifier had been."
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"A fitting room to me has always been like a confessional ... where my body and my contrition take up the entire room."
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"... it's simply wrong to always order [kids] to stop that fighting. There are times when one child is simply defending his rights and damned well should be fighting."
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"Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate."
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"Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him."
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"The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child."
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"There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M."
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"I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order."
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"Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it."
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"Most children's first words are 'Mama' or 'Daddy.' Mine were, 'Do I have to use my own money?'"
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"Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes."
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