"You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you in the eye, and ask if anybody's home."
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Quote collection
Erma Bombeck quotes (page 11 of 17)
334 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it."
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"No One Diets on Thanksgiving."
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"One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies."
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"I used everything you gave me."
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"The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?""
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"You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates."
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"House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad."
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"When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem."
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"I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky."
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"Pregnancy is the only time in a woman's life she can help God work a miracle."
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"It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style."
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"When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home."
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"Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience."
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"For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us."
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"Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood."
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"With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane."
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"It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive."
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"Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person."
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"Explain to me how he [her son] can ride a bicycle, run, play ball, set up a camp, swing, fight a war, swim and race for eight hours ... and has to be driven to the garbage can."
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