"I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie."
Read quote
15 likes
Quote collection
Erma Bombeck quotes (page 6 of 17)
334 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?"
Read quote
15 likes
"What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?"
Read quote
15 likes
"How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?"
Read quote
14 likes
"I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, "I told you so."
Read quote
14 likes
"Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw."
Read quote
14 likes
"Cats invented self-esteem; there is not an insecure bone in their body."
Read quote
14 likes
"The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?"
Read quote
12 likes
"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat."
Read quote
12 likes
"If I had my life to live over again, I would have waxed less and listened more. ... I would have cried and laughed less while watching television ... and more while watching real life. ... But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute of it ... look at it and really see it ... try it on ... live it ... exhaust it ... and never give the minute back until there was nothing left of it."
Read quote
12 likes
"Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults say this to children I look into their faces. They look like someone on the top seat of the Ferris wheel who has had too much cotton candy and barbecue. They'd like to get off and be sick but everyone keeps telling them what a good time they're having."
Read quote
11 likes
"People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow."
Read quote
11 likes
"One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip."
Read quote
11 likes
"Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial."
Read quote
11 likes
". . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back."
Read quote
11 likes
"The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns."
Read quote
11 likes
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
Read quote
10 likes
"On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings."
Read quote
10 likes
"There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green."
Read quote
10 likes
"I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows."
Read quote
10 likes