"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence."
Read quote
27 likes
Quote collection
Erma Bombeck quotes (page 4 of 17)
334 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is."
Read quote
26 likes
"A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween."
Read quote
25 likes
"Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time."
Read quote
25 likes
"I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent."
Read quote
25 likes
"Given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it... live it...and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff. Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us."
Read quote
25 likes
"Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you."
Read quote
24 likes
"In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television."
Read quote
24 likes
"When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies."
Read quote
23 likes
"Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another."
Read quote
23 likes
"For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward."
Read quote
23 likes
"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."
Read quote
22 likes
"I read one psychologist's theory that said, "Never strike a child in your anger." When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?"
Read quote
22 likes
"Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely."
Read quote
22 likes
"Children make your life important."
Read quote
21 likes
"There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, 'Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams.' Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there. These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, 'How good or how bad am I?' That's where courage comes in."
Read quote
21 likes
"Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on."
Read quote
20 likes
"Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip."
Read quote
20 likes
"With girls, everything looks great on the surface. But beware of drawers that won't open. They contain a three-month supply of dirty underwear, unwashed hose, and rubber bands with blobs of hair in them."
Read quote
20 likes
"There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it."
Read quote
19 likes