"A comedian who starts talking to himself becomes his own audience. This is fatal."
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Quote collection
Fred Allen quotes (page 5 of 5)
94 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Three million frogs' legs are served in Paris - daily. Nobody knows what became of the rest of the frogs."
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"I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is."
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"I was just working in the shop and all of a sudden something just triggered in me, and I started shaking. And then I walked back into the house and my wife asked, 'What's the matter?' And I said, 'I don't feel good.' And tears, uncontrollable tears, was coming out of my eyes and she says, 'What's the matter?' And I told her. I said, 'I just thought about that execution that I did two days ago, and everybody else's that I was involved in.' And what it was, something triggered within, and it just, everybody - all of these executions all sprung forward."
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"The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret."
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"Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by."
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"To a newspaperman, a human being is an item with skin wrapped around it."
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"The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners."
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"He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down."
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"Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play."
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"I'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four."
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"When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat."
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"He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument."
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"The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle."
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