"I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show."
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Quote collection
George Carlin quotes (page 29 of 49)
976 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"The only thing high-definition television will do is provide sharper images of the garbage."
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"What I became a comedian for was to get my art out. To get some of these feelings and things I had on my chest out. I don't care if people believe them, listen to them, change their ways, or think, or any of that kind of crap. I'm interested in showing off. I'm the same kid from sixth grade who stood up and said "watch this.""
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"Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure."
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"Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision; it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it; you have a choice."
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"We use up words like 'spiritual' so fast in this culture. Twenty years ago spiritual had a distinct meaning. But now there's a lot of jack-off thinkers who just love to talk about the spiritual. And there is a lot of bogus - is bogosity a word? It should be - a lot of bogosity in these spiritual seekers. So you have to find another way to express it. I just call it 'how I fit'."
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"The Christians are coming to get you, and they are not pleasant people."
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"Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter."
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"Heroin, forget it. In my neighborhood, I could see what heroin did firsthand and I was definitely afraid of that number."
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"People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process."
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"At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure"
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"I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization."
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"Let's not have a double standard. One standard will do just fine."
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"All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English."
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"Humor is based on surprise, and surprise is a milder way of saying shock. It's surprise that makes the joke."
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"Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!"
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"If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer."
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"The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives."
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"I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis."
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"One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow."
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