"That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people."
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Quote collection
George Carlin quotes (page 28 of 49)
976 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence."
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"We're not supposed to mention f***ing in mixed company, but that's exactly where it takes place."
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"Where ideas are concerned, America can be counted on to do one of two things: Take a good idea and run it completely into the ground, or take a bad idea and run it completely into the ground."
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"I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid."
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"I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise."
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"The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun."
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"And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National"
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"At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three."
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"Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend."
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"The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time."
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"Cigarette companies market heavily to young people. They need young customers because their product kills the older ones. It is the only product that, if used as intended, kills the consumer."
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"The older you get, the better you realize you were."
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"If at first you don't succeed, redefine success."
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"Everything beeps now."
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""Fussy eater" is a euphemism for "big pain in the ass.""
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"If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?"
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"Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?"
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"The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine."
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"What was the best thing before sliced bread?"
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