"It's harder to be funny from the position of power."
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Quote collection
George Carlin quotes (page 41 of 49)
976 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played."
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"Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us."
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"No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning."
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"One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back."
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"A pear is a failed apple."
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"There's a part of me that is angry. Not in the sense of, "Gee, George is an angry guy!" I mean, anyone who's been with me five minutes, five years, whatever, they would tell you they've rarely seen me in a moment of anger. Yes, I can become highly irritated in a line that's moving slowly, or with a clerk who's incompetent. But I don't yell. I don't get rude. I am clear about what I expect. In a store, my mother always told me, "Ask for the manager immediately. It changes the tone of the conversation.""
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"Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying."
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"When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?"
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"I have a lot of things [in me] that are childlike and innocent and sweet."
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"When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all."
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"Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian."
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"The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition."
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"What exactly is "midair"? Is there some other part of air besides the "mid" part?"
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"Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children."
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"An art thief is a man who takes pictures."
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"How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?"
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"I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people."
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"If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?"
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"Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning."
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