"First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me."
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Hilarious quotes
Hilarious
240 quotes on this topic — from poets, philosophers, and thinkers across history.
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"I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are. That's where us gay people come from - you heterosexuals."
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"Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?"
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"If I was president of the good old U.S.A., I'd turn the churches into strip clubs and watch the whole world pray."
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"I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments."
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"A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to take it off of you."
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"On the other hand, you have different fingers."
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"A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff."
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"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one."
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"No ideas and the ability to express them - that's a journalist."
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"I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light."
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"Just go up to somebody on the street and say 'You're it!' and then run away."
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"All pretty girls are a trap, a pretty trap, and men expect them to be."
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"I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again."
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"And certainly, the mistakes that we male and female mortals make when we have our own way might fairly raise some wonder that we are so fond of it."
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"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't."
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"How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them."
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"What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light."
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"Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?"
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"When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course."
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