"Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words."
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Hilarious quotes
Hilarious
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Hilarious quotes (page 4 of 12)
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"Eternity is really long, especially near the end."
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"A conglomerate heap of trash, that's what I am. But it burns with a high flame."
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"There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting."
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"I am joined with no foot land-rakers, no long-staff, sixpenny strikers, none of these mad, mustachio purple-hued maltworms, but with nobility and tranquillity."
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"I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately."
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"I think god gave us talent because he screwed up our hair"
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"The reason for the unreason with which you treat my reason , so weakens my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty."
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"[Thine] face is not worth sunburning."
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"The moment the door opened I knew an ass-kicking was inevitable. Whether I'd be giving it or receiving it was still a bit of a mystery."
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"I fell into writing, I suppose, being one of those awful children who wrote verses. I went to a convent in New York-the Blessed Sacrament... I was fired from there, finally, for a lot of things, among them my insistence that the Immaculate Conception was spontaneous combustion."
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"Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand."
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"The limited circle is pure."
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"Dublin university contains the cream of Ireland: Rich and thick."
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"I needed to make my wig ogg because I no longer wanted to apologize for who I am"
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"I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody."
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"I never avoid something that challenges my guts and my heart. While I might occasionally puke my guts out, I have never puked my heart out."
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"Now airlines charge for everything... If the oxygen mask drops, you have to swipe your credit card to start the flow of the oxygen."
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"Matt would stare at Andrew for 10 minutes. It's depressing that people are different. Everyone should be one person, who should then kill itself in hand-to-hand combat."
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"Google "brooklyn writer" and you'll get, Did you mean: the future of literature as we know it?"
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