"No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning."
Humor quotes
Humor
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Humor quotes (page 62 of 192)
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"I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow."
"As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything."
"The old idea that the joke was not good enough for the company has been superseded by the new aristocratic idea that the company was not worthy of the joke. They have introduced an almost insane individualism into that one form of intercourse which is specially and uproariously communal. They have made even levities into secrets. They have made laughter lonelier than tears."
"When once you have got hold of a vulgar joke, you may be certain that you have got hold of a subtle and spiritual idea."
"The Party System was founded on one national notion of fair play. It was the notion that folly and futility should be fairly divided between both sides."
"Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy."
"He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down."
"Humor, however broad and genial, takes a narrower view than enthusiasm."
"Especially the transcendental philosophy needs the leaven of humor to render it light and digestible."
"This book is dedicated to all of my friends who helped me get to where I am today - you know who you are... and when I find you I am going to kill you."
"I had more material on weather than anyone else, I guess, ... back when I was traveling a lot on the road as a standup comic, between airport security and the weather... I just wanted to be prepared for sitting in the airport."
"Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap."
"Let the meek inherit the earth -- they have it coming to them."
"That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her."
"I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side."
"Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was."
"Dali had a good sense of humor - obviously you could tell just looking at him; he was funny."
"Come, agree, the law's costly."
"Demons live in many lands, but particularly in Prussia."