"There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread."
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Humorous quotes
Humorous
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Humorous quotes (page 3 of 81)
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"Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far."
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"April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four."
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"If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce."
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"I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor."
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"Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar."
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"Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses. He took us 40 years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil!"
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"My dad used to say to me, 'You look more like me than I do.'"
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"A joke is a very serious thing."
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"Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis."
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"I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited."
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"The roulette table pays nobody except him that keeps it. Nevertheless a passion for gaming is common, though a passion for keeping roulette tables is unknown."
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"On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't, he said: Do you mind if I mug you here?"
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"Thank you so much for breaking my heart because you got me four Grammys."
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"By the way, did you ever realize that if Moses would have turned right instead of left, we'd have had the oil, the Arabs would have had the sand?"
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"It's not your blue blood, your pedigree or your college degree. It's what you do with your life that counts."
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"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
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"Detection is, or ought to be, an exact science, and should be treated in the same cold and unemotional manner. You have attempted to tinge it with romanticism, which produces much the same effect as if you worked a love-story or an elopement into the fifth proposition of Euclid."
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"He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
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"Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy."
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