"I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life."
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Quote collection
John Oliver quotes (page 6 of 7)
125 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"I have a green card now, but they can take that away, yeah, they can take that away at any moment. So please don't; please let me keep it."
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"I don't think I'm identified as the anchorman, I think I'm identified as the impostor anchorman - there's a very clear line there ... I don't think it changes the way they respond."
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"We in Britain stopped evolving gastronomically with the advent of the pie. Everything beyond that seemed like a brave, frightening new world. We knew the French were up to something across the Channel, but we didn't want anything to do with it."
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"Welcome to The Daily Show, I'm John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness."
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"I'm not really much of an actor, so when I started on 'The Daily Show', I was just trying to adopt the faux authority of a newsperson."
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"Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life."
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"The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not."
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"Politicians don't really bring up religion in England."
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"I feel non-stop Brit shame!"
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"I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes."
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"Wow. Losing 95 percent of your audience in just five years. That basically makes Obama the NBC of presidents."
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"When you've married someone who's been at war, there is nothing you can do that compares to that level of selflessness and bravery."
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"Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says 'I don't give a royal s**t.'"
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"I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing. It's the American Dream: Work for free."
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"I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy."
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"People are friendlier in New York than London."
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"It really helps a comedian to be an outsider."
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"Net neutrality: The only two words that promise more boredom in the English language are 'featuring Sting,'"
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"I think it might honestly be time for the Sunshine State to officially change its motto to the Worst State."
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