Quote collection
142 quotes — follow a thought to its full quote page.
"In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children."
"You become successful, the way I see it, only if you're good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you're not, you won't have any audience; so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does."
"Air Canada. That's a good name for a Canadian airline."
"Democracy means free television, not good television, but free."
"I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive."
"Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday."
"As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show."
"They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them."
"As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me."
"When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist."
"We have two kinds of air: regular and chunky style."
"I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy."
"I am taking the applause sign home, putting it in the bedroom."
"Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman."
"Find me any performer anywhere who isn't egocentric. You'd better believe you're good, or you've got no business being out there."
"NBC's a little jealous of CNN correspondent Wolf Blitzer. They want to get a reporter with a macho-sounding name too, so they're changing Irving R. Levine's name to Scud Shrapnel."
"I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give."
"Who cares what entertainers on the air think about international affairs? Who would want to hear me about Vietnam? They can hear all they want from people with reason to be respected as knowledgeable."
"I see a lot of new faces. Especially on the old faces."
"The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older."