“Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 110 of 1263
“Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.”
“A map of the world that does not include Utopia is not worth even glancing at, for it leaves out the one country at which Humanity is always landing.”
“There's something people find hilarious about dogs surfing and dancing and talking in the movies. I think it's nice for people - I think it's wish fulfillment - to see animals talking.”
“I will use big words from time to time, the meanings of which I may only vaguely perceive, in hopes such cupidity will send you scampering to your dictionary: I will call such behavior 'public service'.”
“It's silly to try to escape other people's faults. They are inescapable. Just try to escape your own.”
“Pretty, and you may be talented, but nobody will remember that if you're mean.”
“It's better being completely ridiculous than unbelievably boring.”
“The only way to be sure of catching a train is to miss the one before it.”
“Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!”
“I've been all over the world and I've never seen a statue of a critic.”
“Life is too short to read a bad book.”
“Is Billy Idol just doing a bad Elvis pout, or was he born that way?”
“When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.”
“Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.”
“The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.”
“Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them.”
“Actually, I do happen to resemble a hallucination. Kindly note my silhouette in the moonlight." The cat climbed into the shaft of moonlight and wanted to keep talking but was asked to be quiet. "Very well, I shall be silent," he replied, "I shall be a silent hallucination.”
“In a world of more brilliance words don't mean anything.”
“And Michael Schumacher is 37 seconds ahead, so he can refuel the car, change all four wheels, take off his helmet, have a smoke and a cup of tea, and rejoin in first.”