“Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 112 of 1263
“What we've got here is failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach.”
“These are the six ways of courting defeat - neglect to estimate the enemy's strength; want of authority; defective training; unjustifiable anger; nonobservance of discipline; failure to use picked men.”
“Opinions are like orgasms...mine matters most and I really don't care if you have one.”
“The world is full of actors pretending to be human”
“A bore is someone who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.”
“Pleasure without Champagne is purely artificial.”
“Every woman over fifty should stay in bed until noon.”
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.”
“Reject your sense of injury, and the injury itself disappears.”
“Las Vegas is the only place I know where money really talks--it says, Goodbye.”
“People who don't think shouldn't talk.”
“The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.”
“Idleness is the parent of psychology.”
“People really do like seeing their best friends humiliated; a large part of the friendship is based on humiliation; and that is an old truth,well known to all intelligent people.”
“Honesty: The best of all the lost arts.”
“The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off.”
“I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”
“All media exist to invest our lives with artificial perceptions and arbitrary values.”
“You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.”