“Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 131 of 1263
“A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism.”
“Everyone likes flattery; and when you come to Royalty you should lay it on with a trowel.”
“Why is Dave Chappelle going to Africa? Why does Mariah Carey make a hundred-million dollar deal and take her clothes off on TRL? A weak person can not get here and talk to you. Ain't no weak people talking to you. So what is happening in Hollywood? Nobody knows! The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive. I don't understand this person, so they're crazy. That's bullshit. These people are not crazy, they're strong people. Maybe the environment is a little sick.”
“The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive. "I don't understand this person. So they're crazy." That's bullshit. These people are not crazy. They strong people. Maybe their environment is a little sick.”
“If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.”
“I'm old enough and cranky enough now that if someone tried to tell me what to do, I'd tell them where to put it.”
“You can forgive a fool because he only runs in one direction and doesn't deceive anybody. It's the deceivers who make you feel bad.”
“I get no kick from champagne. Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all. So, tell me why should it be true, that I get a kick out of you?”
“If your only arbiter of anything is money, really you should... go and rob banks.”
“Which is better: to have fun with fungi or to have Idiocy with ideology, to have wars because of words, to have tomorrow's misdeeds out of yesterday's miscreeds?”
“The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.”
“He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.”
“It's just rock and roll. A lot of times we get criticized for it. A lot of music papers come out with: 'When are they going to stop playing these three chords?' If you believe you shouldn't play just three chords it's pretty silly on their part. To us, the simpler a song is, the better, 'cause it's more in line with what the person on the street is.”
“When all is said and done, no literature can outdo the cynicism of real life; you won't intoxicate with one glass someone who has already drunk up a whole barrel.”
“Avoiding offense means that we don't accept each other as equals.”
“The most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency.”
“I must to the barber's, monsieur, for methinks I am marvellous hairy about the face.”
“Laughing faces do not mean that there is absence of sorrow! But it means that they have the ability to deal with it”
“Whenever I feel the need to take some exercise I lie down until the feeling goes away.”