“They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their minds.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 132 of 1263
“Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.”
“There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure.”
“All art is propaganda. It is universally and inescabably propaganda; sometimes unconsciously, but often deliberately, propaganda.”
“Fashions pass quickly, and nothing is more pathetic than those puppets of fashion outrageously made up one day, pale the next, pleated or ironed stiff, libertine or ascetic. Playing with fashion is an art. The first rule is don't burn your wings.”
“It (Congress) is a funny party. It is the largest political organization in the world but perhaps does not have a single rule or regulation. We create new rules every two minutes and then dump them. Nobody knows the rules in the party”
“The real use of gunpowder is to make all men tall.”
“Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.”
“Now the denominator ... why don't they just call it the bottom number? The denominator ... that sounds like a Schwarzenegger movie doesn't it? [impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger] I am the Denominator. I'll give your leg a compound fraction!”
“Being right too soon is socially unacceptable.”
“When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.”
“Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?”
“Do a loony-goony dance 'Cross the kitchen floor, Put something silly in the world That ain't been there before.”
“We were just drinking some joint juice earlier.”
“When I met you last night baby Before you opened up your gap I had respect for ya lady But now I take it all back”
“I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.”
“We Irish will never achieve anything; but we are the greatest talkers since the Greeks”
“Wisdom is better than silver and gold”
“People were saying that David Geffen and I had gotten married and it just blew me away. Not that they thought I was gay, but that they thought I could land a guy that hot.”
“We all need to be mocked from time to time, lest we take ourselves too seriously.”