“I knew that I'd lived in New York too long when, a few years ago, I was on a subway going downtown, and it stopped at 14th Street. At the station, the doors opened, and the conductor announced that there was a bomb on board and we should evacuate immediately. Nobody moved. We just looked at each other, 'Do you see a bomb?' 'I don't see a bomb.' 'There's no bomb.' 'I've only got two stops - let's go for it.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 144 of 1263
“It is actually quite exciting when you're flying headfirst into a barrier — the initial part, the initial part is actually quite fun, especially when you hit the gravel trap and you get some air, and then you see it coming and you think 'erk — it's gonna hurt!'”
“Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”
“'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.”
“Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.”
“She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.”
“Rise early. It is the early bird that catches the worm. Don't be fooled by this absurd law; I once knew a man who tried it. He got up at sunrise and a horse bit him.”
“My voice has a quiver/ A quiver is where you keep arrows until you shoot them.”
“There is strong shadow where there is much light.”
“The British media is sinking down, as the American news media has lowered the bar for all of humanity. British news media is definitely trying to stoop down to that level. Everyone is stooping to the lowest common denominator.”
“The Falklands thing was a fight between two bald men over a comb.”
“Only the small secrets need to be protected. The large ones are kept secret by public incredulity.”
“We've got a form of brainwashing going on in our country…. Do you know how they brainwash people? They repeat something over and over. And that's what we do in this country. Owning things is good. More money is good. More property is good. More commercialism is good. MORE IS GOOD. MORE IS GOOD. We repeat it--and have it repeated to us--over and over until nobody bothers to even think otherwise. The average person is so fogged up by all this, he has no perspective on what's really important anymore.”
“It will be a killer, and a chiller, and a thriller, when I get the gorilla in Manila.”
“If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad.”
“The person who prays more in public than in private reveals that he is less interested in God's approval than in human praise. Not piety but a reputation for piety is his concern.”
“Eat and carouse with Bacchus, or munch dry bread with Jesus, but don't sit down without one of the gods.”
“You Too? I thought I was the only one.”
“People are often talking when they are not supposed to be.”
“Good journalism should challenge people, not just mindlessly amuse them.”