“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 145 of 1263
“Football: A sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.”
“If you can't laugh at yourself, you're cooked!”
“What's New Orleans without music? And what's music without dancing?”
“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”
“The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.”
“Honesty means nothing until you are tested under circumstances where you are sure you could get away with dishonesty.”
“Writing well is the best revenge.”
“You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish. Unless of course, you play bass.”
“My church accepts all denominations - fivers, tenners, twenties.”
“Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.”
“Drinking is another way of thinking, another way of living. It gives you two lives instead of one.”
“I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.”
“The average man is a conformist, accepting miseries and disasters with the stoicism of a cow standing in the rain.”
“The puppet on the right shares my beliefs, the puppet on the left is more to my liking. Hey...there's one guy holding up both!”
“If you really want to annoy me, ask me when I'm going to retire from rock n' roll.”
“Women are my drugs and alcohol. When I'm involved with one woman, I'm involved with one woman. Period. But between romances, I am carnivorous.”
“There are no awards in Hollywood for being an idiot.”
“Your friends will notice at once that glib vacuities fail to impress, and hate you, and tell lies about you. It's worth it.”
“I am a typed director. If I made Cinderella, the audience would immediately be looking for a body in the coach.”