“Even my failures make money and become classics a year after I make them.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 146 of 1263
“You can't make a souffle rise twice.”
“If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.”
“Writers are as jealous as pigeons.”
“Preposition: An enormously versatile part of grammar, as in 'What made you pick this book I didn't want to be read to out of up for?'”
“I ain't a communist necessarily, but I been in the red all my life.”
“I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.”
“I failed to make the chess team because of my height.”
“I'm really a timid person - I was beaten up by Quakers”
“I would have absolutely messed up 'The Matrix'.”
“The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously.”
“Shallow men believe in luck.”
“If you want to be called a dwarf you must be in immediate possession of a battle axe cause otherwise your just a midget with an attitude.”
“Lexicographer: a writer of dictionaries, a harmless drudge, that busies himself in tracing the original, and detailing the signification of words.”
“I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.”
“Do not bite at the bait of pleasure, till you know there is no hook beneath it.”
“My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.”
“There are only two pieces of pussy you're gonna get in your entire life, that's your first and your last.”
“I'm not confused. I'm just well mixed.”
“Once I wept for I had no shoes. Then I met a man with no feet, so I took his shoes. I mean, it wasn't as if he was going to need them.”