“In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while his article is still on the presses.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 189 of 1263
“From the fallen tree everybody makes firewood.”
“I'm so not interesting in having to try and make something out of foil." What, you didn't like the poncho with wraparound leggings?" It was beyond hideou- wait a minute. You watch that show?" My mom loves it." But your suppose to be sulking in the basement getting ready to light fires." What can I say? I'm a failure as a teenager. I watch TV with my mom.”
“That's my lesson for taking a vacation: vacation will kill you.”
“Somebody does somethin' stupid, that's human. They don't stop when they see it's wrong, that's a fool.”
“Sin ought to be something exquisite, my dear boy.”
“They say the seeds of what we will do are in all of us, but it always seemed to me that in those who make jokes in life the seeds are covered with better soil and with a higher grade of manure.”
“Most of us will get turned on at night by the very same things that we will demonstrate against during the day - the erotic mind is not very politically correct.”
“Actors are good liars; writers are good liars with good memories.”
“Beware of meat twice boiled, and an old foe reconciled.”
“Let every fart count as a peal of thunder for liberty. Let every fart remind the nation of how much it has let pass out of its control. It is a small gesture, but one that can be very effective - especially in a large crowd. So fart, and if you must, fart often. But always fart without apology. Fart for freedom, fart for liberty - and fart proudly.”
“See the mice in their million hordes From Ibiza to the Norfolk Broads.”
“I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.”
“If you want to feel less sexy put scotch tape on your nipples.”
“Relationships, like eyebrows, are better when there is space between them.”
“I don’t care if the cat is black or white, I just want it to kill the mice.”
“He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.”
“Sometimes you just have to pee in the sink.”
“you boys can keep your virgins give me hot old women in high heels with asses that forgot to get old.”
“Great art is horseshit, buy tacos.”