“If you take cranberries and stew them like apple sauce, it tastes much more like prunes than rhubarb does.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 187 of 1263
“Every jackass going the roads thinks he has ideas.”
“Since there are so many idiots out there, you may actually start to think you're crazy. You are not. They are idiots.”
“The question of common sense is always: 'what is it good for?' - a question which would abolish the rose and be answered triumphantly by the cabbage.”
“Sometimes the truth hurts. And sometimes it feels real good.”
“Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.”
“College is a place where a professor's lecture notes go straight to the students' lecture notes, without passing through the brains of either.”
“Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.”
“Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.”
“It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.”
“Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.”
“God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.”
“The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.”
“What a funny thing painting is. The abstract painters always insist on their connection with the visible reality, while the so called figurative artists insist that what they really care about, is the abstract qualities of life.”
“I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.”
“They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.”
“Socrates, when informed of some derogating speeches one had used concerning him behind his back, made only this facetious reply, "Let him beat me too when I am absent.”
“Anyone who hasn't experienced the ecstasy of betrayal knows nothing about ecstasy at all.”
“If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to score a goal.”
“You don't have to be a star to get a cheese sandwich. You just have to be first.”