“'Do you spell it with a 'V' or a 'W'?' inquired the judge. 'That depends upon the taste and fancy of the speller, my Lord'.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 190 of 1263
“Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.”
“The Greatest Blues Singer in the World Will Never Stop Singing.”
“Men become much more attractive when they start looking older. But it doesn't do much for women, though we do have an advantage: make-up.”
“Life's not fair, get over it!”
“A man armed with a rhyming dictionary is a dangerous man.”
“Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.”
“Not one of us knows what effect his life produces, and what he gives to others; that is hidden from us and must remain so, though we are often allowed to see some little fraction of it, so that we may not lose courage.”
“Dialogue should simply be a sound among other sounds, just something that comes out of the mouths of people whose eyes tell the story in visual terms.”
“I smoke marijuana every chance I get.”
“Abortion and racism are evil twins, born of the same lie. Where racism now hides its face in public, abortion is accomplishing the goals of which racism only once dreamed. Together, abortionists are destroying humanity at large and the black community in particular.”
“Some people say we have thirteen albums that all sound the same. That isn't true. We have fourteen albums that all sound the same.”
“Avoid at all costs that vile spew you see rotting in oil in screwtop jars. Too lazy to peel fresh? You don't deserve to eat garlic.”
“Good laws, if they are not obeyed, do not constitute good government.”
“Songs are like fish. You just gotta have your line in the water. And it's a bad idea to fish downstream from Bob Dylan.”
“Excessive sorrow laughs. Excessive joy weeps.”
“A communist is like a crocodile: when it opens its mouth you cannot tell whether it is trying to smile or preparing to eat you up.”
“Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.”
“I'm a nice person! I have healthy life drives and goals! I don't drink, I don't smoke. I would never force myself sexually on a blind person!”
“Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.”