“Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered with water. The other third is covered with auditors from headquarters.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 19 of 1263
“World War III is a guerrilla information war with no division between military and civilian participation.”
“I know very little about acting. I'm just an incredibly gifted faker.”
“Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.”
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
“Sexual intercourse is a slight attack of apoplexy.”
“The greatest enemy of authority, therefore, is contempt, and the surest way to undermine it is laughter.”
“Most people do not pray; they only beg.”
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
“I used to be very self-conscious. I used to wish I was pretty. My cousin Georgia always taught me that if you smile, people will like you. Sometimes people will say something you don't like, and you get angry a bit, but you just smile. You let it go by, even if you really would like to choke 'em. By smiling, I think I've made more friends than if I was the other way.”
“Booty is just a ghetto expression, and I'm just a booty star.”
“Leave the Artillerymen alone, they are an obstinate lot.”
“There are no good girls gone wrong - just bad girls found out.”
“I'm doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?”
“There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.”
“Don't worry about your physical shortcomings. I am no Greek god. Don't get too much sleep and don't tell anybody your troubles. Appearances count: Get a sun lamp to keep you looking as though you have just come back from somewhere expensive: maintain an elegant address even if you have to live in the attic. Never nickel when short of cash. Borrow big, but always repay promptly.”
“True villains are extremely photogenic.”
“Swift as the wind. Quiet as the forest. Conquer like the fire. Steady as the mountain”
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
“The whole imposing edifice of modern medicine is like the celebrated tower of Pisa - slightly off balance.”