“Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 20 of 1263
“If only it was as easy to banish hunger by rubbing the belly as it is to masturbate.”
“Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.”
“The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that's the essence of inhumanity.”
“I equate Deadheads to people that like black licorice. There aren't many people that like black licorice, but the ones that do, REALLY REALLY like it! Or buttermilk, or whatever.”
“A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.”
“Rollin' down the street, smokin' indo, sippin' on gin an juice Lay back with my mind on my money and my money on my mind.”
“The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.”
“The best way to describe myself would be...unpredictable.”
“Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.”
“The purpose of criminal law is to punish the enemies of those in power.”
“There go the goddamn brownies!”
“When my cats aren't happy, I'm not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they're just sitting there thinking up ways to get even.”
“To me it seems as plain as can be that the Bible declares that all the wicked will God destroy; again, that those who, during the Millennial age when brought to a knowledge of the truth, shall prove willful sinners will be punished with everlasting destruction.”
“You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.”
“It'll keep you alive for another 10 years if you get yourself a laugh once a day: either provoke it, or look around in the wildest laboratory in the world, the public.”
“The less you eat, drink and read books; the less you go to the theatre, the dance hall, the public house; the less you think, love, theorize, sing, paint, fence, etc., the more you save-the greater becomes your treasure which neither moths nor dust will devour-your capital. The less you are, the more you have; the less you express your own life, the greater is your alienated life-the greater is the store of your estranged being.”
“Brevity is the soul of lingerie.”
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
“I hate writing, I love having written.”