“You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 21 of 1263
“All humor is rooted in pain.”
“Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.”
“To me, fast food is when a cheetah eats an antelope.”
“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.”
“Reality is one of the possibilities I cannot afford to ignore”
“If you have a milkshake and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw and my straw reaches across the room and starts to drink your milkshake... I drink your milkshake! I drink it up!”
“If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.”
“A pessimist is somebody who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.”
“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana”
“The police can go to downtown Harlem and pick up a kid with a joint in the streets. But they can't go into the elegant apartments and get a stockbroker who's sniffing cocaine.”
“We must stop regarding unpleasant or unexpected things as interruptions of real life. The truth is that interruptions are real life.”
“Of all the pitfalls in our paths and the tremendous delays and wanderings off the track, I want to say that they are not what they seem to be. I want to say that all that seems like fantastic mistakes are not mistakes, all that seems like error is not error; and it all has to be done. That which seems like a false step is the next step.”
“Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?”
“How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?”
“The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”
“Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips. I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one.”
“I do not take drugs. I am drugs.”
“Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch.”
“If we don't believe in free expression for people we despise, we don't believe in it at all.”