“What is morality but immemorial custom? Conscience is the chief of conservatives.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 194 of 1263
“Software is like entropy. It is difficult to grasp, weighs nothing, and obeys the second law of thermodynamics; i.e. it always increases.”
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to." "I don't much care where –" "Then it doesn't matter which way you go.”
“Twinkle, twinkle little bat How I wonder what you're at! Up above the world you fly, Like a tea-tray in the sky.”
“It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.”
“Any idiot can get laid when they're famous. That's easy. It's getting laid when you're not famous that takes some talent.”
“It's all about self-expression; you know, if you feel like a troll then you should look like a troll. It doesn't matter what you look like. I mean, if you have a hunchback just throw a little glitter on it, honey, and go dancing!”
“Beautiful things don't ask for attention.”
“What discord we should bring into the universe if our prayers were all answered. Then we should govern the world and not God. And do you think we should govern it better? It gives me only pain when I hear the long, wearisome petitions of people asking for they know not what. . . . Thanks-giving with a full heart-and the rest silence and submission to the divine will!”
“The jealous are the readiest of all to forgive, and all women know it.”
“The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.”
“You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.”
“The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.”
“The man who is ostentatious of his modesty is twin to the statue that wears a fig-leaf.”
“Ethical man: A Christian holding four aces.”
“What strange creatures brothers are!”
“I think people are fascinated with breasts that bounce. They are so used to seeing fake ones – people are confused. My breasts have a life of their own.”
“What would Pop-eye do in a tight spot like this?”
“Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.”
“But our comedies never endured long without a tragedy.”