“There's no nobility in poverty.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 195 of 1263
“An excuse is a lie guarded.”
“Did you know Richard Nixon is the only president whose formal portrait was painted by a police sketch artist?”
“Happiness is being stuck in an elevator and discovering the ravishing blonde with you is a liquor salesman with a case of samples.”
“If I ever wanted a gnome, I guess Id just stand out on my lawn for a while.”
“Surely all God's people, however serious or savage, great or small, like to play. Whales and elephants, dancing, humming gnats, and invisibly small mischievous microbes- all are warm with divine radium and must have lots of fun in them.”
“Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.”
“Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.”
“Disappointment is an endless wellspring of comedy inspiration.”
“Priorities Are Like Arms; If You Think You Have More Than A Couple, You’re Either Lying Or Crazy.”
“I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.”
“I paid a worker at New York's zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin (his wife). When we got to the gorilla cage there was 1 big Silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let smash that silverback's snotbox! He declined.”
“I challenge you to a duel!” screamed the cat, sailing over their heads on the swinging chandelier.”
“I have the knack of easing scruples.”
“The waitress brought me another drink. She wanted to light my hurricane lamp again. I wouldn't let her. "Can you see anything in the dark, with your sunglasses on?" she asked me. "The big show is inside my head," I said.”
“Don't judge your taco by its price”
“Perfect people don't drink, don't fight, don't lie, don't make mistakes and...don't exist”
“Imposed philosophical morality (laws/rules) will not save the world. Only a calculated tangible plan to alter our circumstances so such actions pose no merit will stop immoral behaviour.”
“I'm less interested in what people think think and more interested in how they came to think it and how they maintain it as valid.”
“It’s amazing what lies people can sustain behind the mask of their real faces.”