“Detente - isn't that what a farmer has with his turkey - until Thanksgiving?”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 192 of 1263
“And do I look like the kind of man that can be intimidated?" barked Uncle Vernon. "Well..." said Moody, pushing back his bowler hat to reveal his sinisterly revolving eye. Uncle Vernon lept backward in horror and collided painfully with a luggage trolley. "Yes, I'd have to say you do, Dursley.”
“How do you feel, Georgie?" whispered Mrs. Weasley. George's fingers groped for the side of his head. "Saintlike," he murmured. "What's wrong with him?" croaked Fred, looking terrified. "Is his mind affected?" "Saintlike," repeated George, opening his eyes and looking up at his brother. "You see...I'm HOLEY, Fred, geddit?”
“I felt that I wanted the world to be in uniform and at a sort of moral attention forever; I wanted no more riotous excursions with privileged glimpses into the human heart.”
“The worst was when my skirt fell down to my ankles, but I had on thick tights underneath.”
“It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.”
“I warn you, if you bore me, I shall take my revenge.”
“There were sirens and the cops were there and they took me to the police station and I got arrested, it was really embarrassing. They actually just- they impeached me over the whole thing, they tried, well, they did impeach me, but I didn't have to actually stop being president, so it was okay. The police weren't actually that involved, it was mostly Congress.”
“money is not everything but it ranks right up there with oxygen”
“Hey-hey-hey-hey! Smoke weed every day!”
“No intelligent idea can gain general acceptance unless some stupidity is mixed in with it.”
“Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.”
“If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.”
“You must have a cigarette. A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?”
“The one advantage of playing with fire...is that no one ever gets singed. It is the people who don't know how to play with it who get burned up.”
“One must have a heart of stone to read the death of little Nell without laughing.”
“Nothing looks so like innocence as an indiscretion.”
“My object is to live in a place that does not call itself 'the community with a heart.' I want one of those godforsaken towns where all the young people leave and the rest sit on the porch with a rifle across their knees.”
“As sure as water's wet and days are long and a friend will always disappoint you in the end.”
“Some do not understand that we must die, But those who do realize this settle their quarrels.”