“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 23 of 1263
“He who knows his enemy and himself well will not be defeated easily.”
“The indoctrination is so deep that educated people think they’re being objective.”
“People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.”
“You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend.”
“You can get the monkey off your back, but the circus never leaves town”
“The trouble with our Liberal friends is not that they're ignorant; it's just that they know so much that isn't so.”
“Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.”
“I'm a born librarian with a sex drive.”
“Drama is life with the dull bits left out. There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it. I believe in putting the horror in the minds of the audience, and not necessarily on the screen. The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.”
“A mule will labor ten years willingly and patiently for you, for the privilege of kicking you once.”
“Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.”
“If y'all fresh to death, then I'm deceased.”
“Life is a marshmallow, easy to chew but hard to swallow.”
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
“I would rather give full vent to all human loves and disappointments, and take a chance on being corny, than die a smartass.”
“[To a woman whose cellphone rang during a formal meeting:] You'd better answer that. It could be someone important.”
“Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway.”
“Do not be angry with the rain; it simply does not know how to fall upwards.”
“Can I have a look at Uranus too, Lavender?”