“A great dowry is a bed full of brables. [A great dowry is a bed full of brambles.]”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 24 of 1263
“The worst labyrinth is not that intricate form that can entrap us forever, but a single and precise straight line”
“I like being a villain. Villains are more exciting.”
“A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on.”
“I know we're not saints or virgins or lunatics; we know all the lust and lavatory jokes, and most of the dirty people; we can catch buses and count our change and cross the roads and talk real sentences. But our innocence goes awfully deep, and our discreditable secret is that we don't know anything at all, and our horrid inner secret is that we don't care that we don't.”
“Coldplay fans are the best in the world. If you like Coldplay then you're obviously very intelligent and good looking and all-around brilliant.”
“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”
“Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.”
“If I accept the sunshine and warmth, then I must also accept the thunder and lightning.”
“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.”
“Being drunk is a good disguise. I drink so I can talk to assholes. This includes me.”
“If people want to think I get drunk and stay out all night, let'em. That's how I got here, you know.”
“I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.”
“Forgive me my nonsense, as I also forgive the nonsense of those that think they talk sense.”
“All Moanday, Tearday, Wailsday, Thumpsday, Frightday, Shatterday.”
“Why is it that people with the most narrow of minds seem to have the widest of mouths?”
“Imma go to Starbucks in the morning for some coffee, if it ain't no girls there i won't buy no damn coffee!”
“I've been imitated so well I've heard people copy my mistakes.”
“Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.”
“Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.”