“If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 52 of 1263
“I'm always making a comeback but nobody ever tells me where I've been.”
“It is just flipping unbelievable. He is a mixture of Harry Houdini and a greased piglet. He is barely human in his elusiveness. Nailing Blair is like trying to pin jelly to a wall.”
“You don't make the poor richer by making the rich poorer.”
“Insanity is relative. It depends on who has who locked in what cage.”
“Every day, I have a most embarrassing moment.”
“He who relies solely on warlike measures shall be exterminated; he who relies solely on peaceful measures shall perish.”
“Life is too short to learn German”
“To do nothing at all is the most difficult thing in the world, the most difficult and the most intellectual.”
“An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be.”
“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.”
“When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse.”
“Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified.”
“The hurrier I go, the behinder I get.”
“Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.”
“A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.”
“The very "marks" on the bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering ecstasy.”
“She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot”
“Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.”
“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”