“I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 51 of 1263
“Who often, but without success, have prayed for apt Alliteration's artful aid.”
“In good times, people want to advertise; in bad times, they have to.”
“A woman, I always say, should be like a good suspense movie: The more left to the imagination, the more excitement there is. This should be her aim - to create suspense, to let a man discover things about her without her having to tell him.”
“Racism springs from the lie that certain human beings are less than fully human. It's a self-centered falsehood that corrupts our minds into believing we are right to treat others as we would not want to be treated.”
“I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.”
“What I've learned is that you really don't need to be a celebrity or have money or have the paparazzi following you around to be famous.”
“Sex is emotion in motion.”
“To fall for," "to be fallen for"--I feel in these words something unspeakably vulgar, farcical, and at the same time extraordinarily complacent. Once these expressions put in an appearance, no matter how solemn the place, the silent cathedrals of melancholy crumble, leaving nothing but an impression of fatuousness. It is curious, but the cathedrals of melancholy are not necessarily demolished if one can replace the vulgar "What a messy business it is to be fallen for" by the more literary "What uneasiness lies in being loved.”
“Atrocities are not less atrocities when they occur in laboratories and are called medical research.”
“How can what an Englishman believes be hearsay? It is a contradiction in terms.”
“The truth hurts, but silence kills.”
“Contrary to the rumours you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father, Jor-el, to save the planet Earth.”
“If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.”
“Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.”
“Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they’re finished. The person you are right now is as transient, as fleeting and as temporary as all the people you’re ever been. The one constant in our lives is change.”
“A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.”
“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”
“Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips.”
“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'”