“Colloquial poetry is to the real art as the barber's wax dummy is to sculpture.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 53 of 1263
“The only chance for victory over the brainwash is the right of every man to have his ideas judged one at a time. You never get clarity as long as you have these packaged words, as long as a word is used by twenty-five people in twenty-five different ways. That seems to me to be the first fight, if there is going to be any intellect left.”
“Creditors have better memories than debtors.”
“All wars are follies, very expensive and very mischievous ones.”
“Jesus, that ear. He should donate it to The Smithsonian. Brian Wilson, he made all his records with four tracks, but you couldn't make his records if you had a hundred tracks today.”
“There are basically two categories of music: Metal and bullshit.”
“Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny.”
“I'm not a psychopath, I'm a fully functioning sociopath. Do your research.”
“You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct.”
“There are only four things you can do on skis. Turn right, turn left, go straight, or sell them.”
“A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.”
“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”
“I almost died, secretly, behind closed doors.”
“Isn't it kind of silly to think that tearing someone else down builds you up?”
“How're we getting to King's Cross tomorrow, Dad?" asked Fred as they dug into a sumptuous pudding. "The Ministry's providing a couple of cars," said Mr. Weasley. Everyone looked up at him. "Why?" said Percy curiously. "It's because of you, Perce," said George seriously. "And there'll be little flags on the hoods, with HB on them-" "-for Humongous Bighead," said Fred.”
“Muggles have garden gnomes, too, you know," Harry told Ron as they crossed the lawn. "Yeah, I've seen those things they think are gnomes," said Ron, bent double with his head in a peony bush, "like fat little Santa Clauses with fishing rods.”
“I really hate sitcoms on television with canned laughter and stuff. What really makes me laugh is the real-life stuff. I've got a dry sense of humor.”
“Hair is the first thing. And teeth the second. Hair and teeth. A man got those two things he's got it all.”
“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”
“Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.”