“I like indoor Christmas trees. And I like people who decorate their homes with lights and all that crap. I think it's a healthy outlet for them. If they weren't covering their lawns with twinkling lights, they'd be doing something that was really, really creepy.”
Funny feeling
Funny Quotes — page 91 of 1263
“Television news is now entertainment, and the stories are being written by the people that have a special interest in them.”
“I watch ESPN all day long.”
“Distance lends enchantment to the view.”
“Hunger is the handmaid of genius”
“For a male person bric-a-brac hunting is about as robust a business as making doll-clothes.”
“We have an insanity plea that would have saved Cain.”
“I see friends who are in different genres of music, and they say they're so burnt playing the same stuff every night. That's why you see a country act wanting to go out and play an old classic rock song. But what cracks me up is that they all want to be Jimmy Buffett. I can't figure that out.”
“Brush teeth. Wash hair. Rule undead world with an iron fist.”
“I guess now that I think back, I used to play priest and be a funny priest. I don't know, I grew up in such a Catholic family that I kind of liked to test the boundaries a little bit and I think I had fun watching my mom laugh.”
“Screw ambiguity. Perversion and corruption masquerade as ambiguity. I don`t trust ambiguity. John Wayne”
“You don't ask what a dance means. You enjoy it. You don't ask what the world means. You enjoy it. You don't ask what you mean. You enjoy it.”
“There are few wild beasts more to be dreaded than a talking man having nothing to say.”
“Wait, wait. I don't get it.' 'That is because you only have eight functioning brain cells.”
“If the earth is fit for laughter then surely heaven is filled with it. Heaven is the birthplace of laughter.”
“'Tis the maddest trick a man can ever play in his whole life, to let his breath sneak out of his body without any more ado, and without so much as a rap o'er the pate, or a kick of the guts; to go out like the snuff of a farthing candle, and die merely of the mulligrubs, or the sullens.”
“Put yourself out on a limb, sucka, like me! - young Cassius Clay to heavily favored thug Sonny Liston during the weigh in before Cassius wins his first title and changes his name to Muhammad Ali.”
“I had a polynomial once. My doctor removed it.”
“A naked woman is less dangerous than one who spreads her skirt skillfully to cover and exhibit everything at once.”
“Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.”