"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese"
"My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them."
4 likes
Source: I Have A Pony. Comedy album by Steven Wright, 1985.
About the author
Same author
More quotes by Steven Wright
"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research."
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."