"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
Read quote
119 likes
Witty quotes
Witty
1.4K quotes on this topic — from poets, philosophers, and thinkers across history.
Explore further
Topics related to Witty
Browse quotes that often appear alongside witty — connected by shared ideas and recurring themes.
Quote collection
Witty quotes (page 3 of 71)
Follow a thought to its author, or read the full quote page.
"Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must."
Read quote
117 likes
"Mankind will never see an end of trouble until lovers of wisdom come to hold political power, or the holders of power become lovers of wisdom"
Read quote
113 likes
"Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?"
Read quote
111 likes
"Political language... is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind."
Read quote
110 likes
"A zebra does not change its spots."
Read quote
108 likes
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
Read quote
106 likes
"Each problem that I solved became a rule, which served afterwards to solve other problems."
Read quote
105 likes
"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor."
Read quote
100 likes
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
Read quote
99 likes
"A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours."
Read quote
99 likes
"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."
Read quote
99 likes
"[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot."
Read quote
99 likes
"I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you."
Read quote
96 likes
"Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided."
Read quote
95 likes
"Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat."
Read quote
95 likes
"People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."
Read quote
94 likes
"We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office."
Read quote
92 likes
"When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor."
Read quote
92 likes
"Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly."
Read quote
91 likes