"At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since."
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Witty quotes
Witty
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Witty quotes (page 6 of 71)
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"A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction."
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"I used to be Snow White, but I drifted."
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"Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense."
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"Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it."
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"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
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"Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood."
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"Most men will not swim before they are able to.' Is not that witty? Naturally, they won't swim! They are born for the solid earth, not for the water. And naturally they won't think. They are made for life, not for thought. Yes, and he who thinks, what's more, he who makes thought his business, he may go far in it, but he has bartered the solid earth for the water all the same, and one day he will drown."
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"This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever."
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"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
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"In politics we presume that everyone who knows how to get votes knows how to administer a city or a state. When we are ill... we do not ask for the handsomest physician, or the most eloquent one."
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"Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary."
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"My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?"
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"Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.""
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"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
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"I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal."
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"When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package."
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"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."
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"I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best."
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"It is better to be loved rather than feared, or feared rather than loved? It might perhaps be answered that we should wish to be both: but since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved."
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